It has been three years today that Mom died. It’s still hard for me to realize I am an orphan, even though at my age it is not uncommon to have lost both parents. My Mom was complicated, I loved her very much but sometimes she made me really mad. She got kind of difficult in her last few years, and there are some hurts that linger from that time. But as the years go by those hurts are fading and I find myself missing my “old Mom”, the one who was funny and kind and always had time to listen. The Mom who loved camping and hot pink lipstick. The Mom who loved all animals big and small.  The 120 lb. 5′ 4″ Mom who ruled the family and liked to jitterbug.

I told a story to friends last night about the time my sister and I took our Mom to see the Rolling Stones live, for her 60th birthday. This was after she had announced, completely out of the blue at dinner one night, that she thought Mick Jagger was sexy. Obviously, this revelation floored all of us, as Mom had never really had much to say about either Mick or the Rolling Stones prior to that. When her birthday rolled around a few months later and the Stones were coming to Philly, we elected to take Mom to the show rather than buy her the new bathrobe she had requested for her birthday gift. We had a blast!

Anyway, I wrote a list of the things I learned from my Mom, to read at her funeral. Here it is:

Things I Learned from My Mom:

Always bring your own tissues.
Play your favorite music.
Get your hair done.
Come home when the streetlights come on.
Be silly.
Get things done.
Put the cat down if it starts to hiss.
Go out and play in the rain, as long as there’s no lightning.
Stop to smell the flowers.
Have adventures.
Don’t wear a white bra if there’s a black light at the dance.
Home is important.
Always keep up a good appearance.
Laugh uncontrollably.
It’s OK to roller skate in the house.
Go play outside.
Always dance at least one dance with anyone who asks you.
Don’t hit your brother.
Have parties.
How to make iced tea.
Always put on lipstick.
My Mom taught me all these things. She taught me how to be a woman.