Monthly Archives: June 2014

Summer Signals

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firefly

This is the time of year that I like best. Mid-late June, complete with super-long days, warm weather, nights that are still cool, and everything is lush and beautiful. Flowers, grass, trees, the birds and the bees. But most especially I love lightning bugs! I wait impatiently for them to appear every year and it is one of the high points of my summer.

Most people call them fireflies and for many years I called them that, too. It sounds, well, cuter somehow. But we called them lightning bugs when I was a kid in southern New Jersey, and now that my parents and both of my brothers have passed on, it seems more important to me to honor those childhood memories and the simple joys they bring back to me. They are, once again, Lightning Bugs.

I was amazed to learn a few years ago that there are many different subspecies of lightning bugs, and that each one blinks in a different and distinctive pattern in order to attract a mate of it’s own type. There is even one type, synchronous fireflies, found only in two places in the whole world, that can synchronize their flashing light patterns!

The lightning bug is the one of the few insects that I really and truly like, along with stick insects (another childhood favorite) ladybugs, and of course cicadas, which provide a wonderful soundtrack to late summer.

The other night the lightning bugs in our back yard were putting on a spectacular bioluminescent show. My husband and I walked to the darkest part of our yard, way in the back, so we could get the best view. The trees and bushes were lit up with probably millions of them, and the overall effect was one of twinkling Christmas lights. It was mysterious and amazing and somehow seems new every year when I see them again as if for the first time.

My husband got out his iPhone to try and take some photos, and then he was trying to capture them on video. I wandered away a bit and then turned to see what he was doing. And there he was, my sweet husband, optimistically holding his iPhone up to the trees. I thought to myself that he kind of looked like a big lightning bug with his own light flickering, surrounded by all the smaller ones. I thought about what a wonderful husband he is, this unassuming man who I love so much. The man who slept in the car in the hospice parking lot, so he could be near me when my brother was dying. The man who makes me laugh every day with his funny observations and who loves to have friends over for impromptu burgers on the grill. The man who is secure enough to hold my purse for a minute if I need him to. The man who married me and became the world’s best stepdad to my then-14 year old son.

And I realized he was blinking a signal that only I could see, out there in the yard. And I was drawn to him again.

 

A Summer Sunday Evening

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On Sunday I was feeling kind of grumpy. The weather was beautiful, a perfect summer day, but I was stuck inside at my desk working. It was good work, work I enjoy doing, but that weather was so nice! However I persevered until late afternoon, when it was time to head over to our friend Pat’s home for dinner. Now Pat and I have been friends for nearly 30 years, and we always love to go to her home. She has a knack for making things beautiful and comfortable, and she is a great cook. We were looking forward to a few hours sitting at the table in her lovely garden, eating and drinking and catching up on conversation. However I was feeling pressured by the work left undone, and I briefly considered canceling our date. But I knew that was a bad idea, and that I needed a break, and also that she had been most likely working hard getting things together for the meal. So I sucked it up, shut down my computer, and got ready to go.

As soon as we arrived I felt better. There was my friend and her beautiful little home and garden. We took a brief stroll around to see what was blooming. Roses! Honeysuckle! Herbs and ferns and hostas all growing with abandon. The birds were chirping. The neighbor’s dog barked. I felt my shoulders loosen up.

We sat down at the outdoor table, the one she rescued from the trash and re-tiled the top. Bright new cushions made the old chairs comfy. We ate too much guacamole and drank iced tea. After a period of time, just when we were getting ready to go into the house and get the dinner out, we heard the loud rumble of a Harley Davidson pulling into the driveway. Pat looked surprised and pleased. She had invited an old friend that we hadn’t seen for over five years, and he said he would stop by “if he could”. She didn’t expect he would actually come, and she didn’t even think to mention to us that she had invited him too. But just in time for dinner, there he was, a little hot from the ride but smiling broadly. Now there were four of us to sit in the garden and eat the good food and catch up on old times. By this point in time I had not forgotten the work, but realized it would be better work if I was more rested and less grumpy while I was doing it. So it was all good.

The long, slow summer evening wound on, and we brought the dinner dishes into the house. Our friend with the Harley had to get going, he was going to stop by and visit his daughter and her boyfriend and see their new puppy. A “wiener dog”, he called it. We laughed as he pulled away.

And then this happened:

strawberry shortcake

Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is. Homemade strawberry shortcake, with piles of organic strawberries from the CSA, fresh whipped cream, and a homemade biscuit-style shortcake. The best dessert on the planet, my absolute favorite thing to eat in the world. Heaven on a plate. All three of us worked on putting it together, and then we carried it out to the table like a trophy. Right before cutting into it, I said “take a picture!”. And Pat did, and she sent it to me. And so, I am sharing it with you.

Happy summer, everyone.

Memories of Mom

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Marian and Judy

It has been three years today that Mom died. It’s still hard for me to realize I am an orphan, even though at my age it is not uncommon to have lost both parents. My Mom was complicated, I loved her very much but sometimes she made me really mad. She got kind of difficult in her last few years, and there are some hurts that linger from that time. But as the years go by those hurts are fading and I find myself missing my “old Mom”, the one who was funny and kind and always had time to listen. The Mom who loved camping and hot pink lipstick. The Mom who loved all animals big and small.  The 120 lb. 5′ 4″ Mom who ruled the family and liked to jitterbug.

I told a story to friends last night about the time my sister and I took our Mom to see the Rolling Stones live, for her 60th birthday. This was after she had announced, completely out of the blue at dinner one night, that she thought Mick Jagger was sexy. Obviously, this revelation floored all of us, as Mom had never really had much to say about either Mick or the Rolling Stones prior to that. When her birthday rolled around a few months later and the Stones were coming to Philly, we elected to take Mom to the show rather than buy her the new bathrobe she had requested for her birthday gift. We had a blast!

Anyway, I wrote a list of the things I learned from my Mom, to read at her funeral. Here it is:

Things I Learned from My Mom:

Always bring your own tissues.
Play your favorite music.
Get your hair done.
Come home when the streetlights come on.
Be silly.
Get things done.
Put the cat down if it starts to hiss.
Go out and play in the rain, as long as there’s no lightning.
Stop to smell the flowers.
Have adventures.
Don’t wear a white bra if there’s a black light at the dance.
Home is important.
Always keep up a good appearance.
Laugh uncontrollably.
It’s OK to roller skate in the house.
Go play outside.
Always dance at least one dance with anyone who asks you.
Don’t hit your brother.
Have parties.
How to make iced tea.
Always put on lipstick.
My Mom taught me all these things. She taught me how to be a woman.